


Morning

by alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: M/M, Moving On, POV Heero Yuy, Yaoi, post war-ness, ref. to past lemons, see ch. 2 for original plot bunny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-30
Updated: 2013-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-16 06:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14805765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist/pseuds/alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist
Summary: by T. R Phoenix--Birds flying high you know how I feelSun in the sky you know how I feelReeds drifting on by you know how I feelIt's a new dawn it's a new day it's a new life for meAnd I'm feeling good





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

The morning sunlight streaming through the gap in the curtains wakes me up. Strong and pure, I can't help but feel that this is my favourite time of day. I love the hazy yet refreshed feeling in the first few hours of the day. For me, the morning is when I get the most work done. My energy is at its peak and I need to use it as quickly as possible before I become restless and fidgety.  
  
As I sit down to breakfast, my mind starts to work properly. Not just random thought, proper memories. Memories of him. He's always the first thought that comes through. My smile fades a bit, but it's still there. There was a time when I did not smile. A time when my sole purpose in life was to destroy. There was no other meaning to it, I would not allow that. Back then, I would never have thought a simple smile could fulfill me in such a way. But there was one smile that I will never forget.  
  
Duo Maxwell. Two simple words that mean so much. He was the one who made me smile and laugh. Not just a manic laugh after destruction, a real smile. One that showed exactly how I felt. He made me smile. He helped me with so much. I realized that my life could have more meaning to it. I also had the feeling that only he could do this for me. Only when he was around could I truly feel these emotions. Then he was gone and I thought I would never feel anything again. Numbness fell over me. I did not cry, I did not feel grievous. I could not feel a thing. How could I now that he was not around?  
  
Only after the funeral did I start to feel something. Pain. Nothing that could be taken away with painkillers, this was true emotional pain. My chest contracted, lungs gasped for air, heart trying to beat. Was this what survivor guilt was? Was I guilty that I was still here while Duo had given his life?  
  
We were under heavy fire from fractured OZ troops. The Preventors were the ones called in to take care of them. From our position, we were pinned down. An aircraft hanger was our last stand. Then it happened. The soldiers came through the door and opened fire. I vaguely remember what happened in those next few seconds, but before I knew it, I was pushed over by the weight of someone falling. Pinned beneath him, I heard him laugh quietly then sigh. I managed to turn with Duo still on top of me. He had shielded me from the bullets, at the price of his own life. His limp body still sprawled on me; all I could do was look. His face was strangely peaceful. Eyes closed and a small smile on his lips. I froze. I could not move. Even though the gun battle was still going on, I blocked out the sounds and everything else. He was... he had saved me. Not a thought as to his own life. It did not seem real. It could not be! He can't just die! What was he thinking of! I grabbed his shoulders and shook him, I shouted his name, screamed for him to wake up, but nothing I did helped. He was somewhere I could not reach. Still warm, nothing like I thought death would be. But then again, I never saw Duo's death coming. I could imagine my own. _I_ had hit the self-destruct button, _I_ had asked Noventa's family to take my life and other times _I_ put _my_ life on the line. I always expected Duo to be there till the end, but it is me that is still here. Still living.  
  
The following months were the worst. I could barely function. I could not sleep in our bed. I had taken to the sofa and an old blanket. I did not have an appetite, I never left the house. The others came around; trying to cheer me up, coax me out. Quatre was the most frequent visitor. He would visit every week and bring food and make sure I was ok. I did not appreciate it at the time, but I'm thankful now. He and Duo were close as well. We all were. At the time they held little meaning, but now, looking back, all the comforting words did help.  
  
Three months passed before I cried. A choking sob at first. Tears welling up, blurring my vision before rolling down my cheeks. Self-pity, I was crying for myself. I hated that. I threw things; upturned tables, I even managed to put my hand through an oak door _\--_ that even surprised me. There I sat in the middle of this destruction, crying for Duo. It was for Duo. I finally cried for him. All my emotions crashed over me at once, drowning me. I did not want to be saved, though. I let them take me and break me. Then clarity hit me, more so than anything before in my life. It was like he was there, comforting me. He looks over me. From the start he has watched over me.  
  
Slowly, the pain started to dull. I started to realize that if he were here, he would berate me for doing this to his memory. I started to remember him as he was _\--_ bright, cheerful, cute. I realized that he had helped me out of a shell I did not think I could break.  
  
I got rid of a lot of demons when he was with me. He helped me there. He even began to let his past slip away. I knew that he resented his past, but he never forgot it. The events that happened to him made him who he was. He remembered his past, yet never dwelt in it. It never consumed him. He taught me that.  
  
Loving Duo was the easiest thing I ever did. Admitting that I did, even to myself, was the hardest. Maybe we did not fall in love straight away _\--_ shooting me was a bit off-putting _\--_ but gradually I began to feel that fluttery feeling in my stomach when he was near. When we did finally get together, we did not waste any time in consummating our relationship, scarce minutes between confessing and groping. I can't remember that first time, but the subsequent times were exquisite. Whether it was heated, lust-filled fucking, or slow, tender love by the fireside, each and every time was special, unique, Duo.  
  
Living without him is hard at times. I haven't gotten over him, but I have moved on and I take him with me. He is a part of me, just as I am a part of him. He'll always be with me so I need not worry about forgetting him.  
  
I miss him. I live for him.  
  
end


	2. original plot bunny

I love re-mixes _\--_ taking an old song and giving it a new beat seems to me inspired genius when its done well. And there's a song on the Verve Remixed CD _\--_ Feelin' Good sung by Nina Simone _\--_ that I positively _adore_. Its a genuinely happy song, it really is, and yet it's more of a peaceful, calm happy than a robust, jubilant one. And what do you get when you mix a happy song with my morbid mind? You get this...  
  
main character: Heero _\--_ Heero POV or 3rd person omniscient... oh! or Quat's POV...  
  
type: angst/hope hybrid _\--_ one that will leave you with that funny melancholy happiness...  
deathfic _\--_ kind of, but not really. The fic isn't about the death (which will have happened in the past in Heero's perspective), it's about the survivor coming to terms with it.   
post EW _\--_ not _too_ long after, though. Heero's about 25 in my grand vision.   
pairings: 1x2x1  
yaoi   
  
plot: Duo's dead. Can't believe I'm writing a plot bunny where Duo's dead. I can't even bring myself to _read_ fics where Duo is dead and here I am asking someone to _write_ one for me... Sha... But seriously folks, as in all my bunnies, there is no heavy duty plot to this. I'm a jumbled mess, so why wouldn't my bunnies be, ne? This one, while told from Heero's present POV, would include flashbacks of his life before, during and directly after Duo.   
  
general idea: *sigh* None of this is really "new" at all, but it's the way it's written that counts, right? Duo getting Heero to open up is not a novel story. It is a sweet one, though and one I never tire of hearing. It's not just any person who could take the perfect soldier and lay him to rest. Duo is... special. But what happens when the support and love and _life_ that Duo has offered is taken away? I've read fics where Duo's death destroys Heero, or where Heero pines the rest of his life away only finding true happiness again when he dies and can be with Duo again. Hello?? *snort* Talk about dissing Duo. Duo isn't a crutch, nor would he allow himself to be used as one. He didn't _give_ Heero the fish, he taught him how to catch the little buggers himself. I'm not saying Heero wouldn't be devastated by Duo's death. He would be. It's not every day that you lose part of your own soul and you couldn't possibly prepare for it. But living with and loving Duo has changed Heero in more than obvious ways. Heero cries. He rages. He goes through the other 2 or 3 stages of grief that I'm forgetting. And then, almost impossibly and when he least expects it, he realizes he's happy again. This hasn't happened overnight, nor was it due to a new love in his life helping him through the pain. He moved on _himself_. Loving Duo has allowed him to be capable of that in a way he never could have been before. He looks back on what he had with Duo and he is eternally grateful, recognizing the precious gift he has been given, and then he... goes on with his life.   
  
[ **note** : it is in no way necessary for Heero to have a new significant other at this point . *grimace* if you do insist, just keep in mind that if you decide to give him a name that starts with 'd', I will kill you. slowly. ]  
  
bunny wranglers: T.R. Phoenix _\--_ Morning [ feb 03 ]

\--------------

Feelin' Good (Muse)  
  
Birds flying high you know how I feel   
Sun in the sky you know how I feel   
Reeds drifting on by you know how I feel   
It's a new dawn it's a new day it's a new life for me   
And I'm feeling good   
  
Fish in the sea you know how I feel   
River running free you know how I feel   
Blossom in the tree you know how I feel   
It's a new dawn it's a new day it's a new life for me   
And I'm feeling good   
  
Dragonfly out in the sun   
You know what I mean, don't you know   
Butterflies are all having fun   
You know what I mean   
Sleep in peace   
When the day is done   
(that's what I mean)  
And this old world is a new world and a bold world for me   
  
Stars when you shine you know how I feel   
Scent of the pine you know how I feel   
Yeah freedom is mine   
And you know how I feel   
It's a new dawn it's a new day it's a new life for me   
And I'm feeling good   
  
Ooooh   
(Freeer than you)


End file.
